Burdened and Burnt Out?

Recently, I very nearly burnt out. Some of this was my own doing, taking on too much all at once. Along side work I was writing a dissertation and a chapter for a book and trying to be a good husband and dad and various other bits and pieces. I was feeling pretty stressed, not sleeping well, having palpitations at times (something I’ve never experienced before) and feeling close to tears. Work is full on at times and can be emotionally exhausting, dealing with and loving people in the midst of the grit and difficulties of their lives.  I got out of a good rhythm of work and rest and reached the end of myself!

A fellow health professional came to see me feeling much the same way. He said, “Andy, where do we take all this stuff? Where do we take the pain that we carry for other people, the burdens we pick up, the mistakes we make, the emotional baggage that gets placed on us?”

Is it that we become less caring? Do we need to separate ourselves out from the pain of other peoples journeys? Well, maybe sometimes….sometimes we need to have good boundaries in place and make sure we take time to rest and be restored, so we can carry on loving and giving of ourselves. But sometimes, we do need to suck it up, bear with other people in love and suffer with those who suffer. Waking up in the night thinking about the teenager you’ve seen who’s not sure they want to carry on living and spending some time thinking about their family and praying for hope and peace is part of what it means to be human, even when it doesn’t feel great to be bearing that burden with them. Jesus said that the “human one” must suffer much. Suffering because of love. To enter fully into what it means to be human, we cannot avoid the pain of others or separate ourselves out from it. To love is to embrace the ‘other’ to allow ourselves to be moved by them and to see things differently. But if we carry it all in ourselves, we can be destroyed in the process and then we are not much use to anyone.

Where do we take this pain? Where do we lay these burdens? How do we forgive the systems which cause so much anxiety and dysfunction? What do we do with the abuse we suffer? Some people use alcohol or other substances to numb the pain. Some throw themselves into activities as a distraction. Some people disengage with it altogether. Some people talk it through and lay their burdens onto others.

On good friday, I am reminded that there is a remarkable place to lay all my burdens, pain, failings, stress and anxious thoughts: at the feet of Jesus. When I look at Jesus, laying down his life, having confronted the powers that disempower and abuse the multitude, I do not see him appeasing an angry God, rather I see God Himself; suffering in the most appalling way, utterly embracing our humanity and carrying away the pain of our mess with his arms stretched wide in love. I hear his cry of forgiveness for my ego-centric failings, find his grace for the shadow and unhealed parts of my life, see in his eyes a love that knows no bounds and discover a hope that this way of life laid down love brings peace for all humanity.

I love this passage from Matthew 11, found in The Message version:

Jesus says, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burnt out? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

I love that Jesus is with me in my work, doing it with me and he knows what it is to suffer. I choose again to receive his yoke, not those that others or the system try and place on me and in that, I find an incredible freedom.

A few years ago I wrote this song. Maybe you’ll find it helpful, maybe it won’t resonate with you at all. All I know is that as I engage with the pain of others, I am so glad to have found the One who can really carry my burdens and help me walk in freedom and love.

 

The Amazing NHS

I’ve just finished writing a chapter of a book soon to be published called ‘Discovering Kenarchy’. My chapter focuses on Health Care and some of the challenges faced by working within this system.

When I was meditating this morning, I was thinking (I know, that probably makes me not very good at meditating!) about the NHS in this country. I just want to say that it is such an extraordinarily and amazing thing! We have a 65 year history of health care in this country that no matter how rich or poor you are, or where you come from, how old you are, whether you can find work or you can’t, you have access to care 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I was talking to a good friend yesterday, who comes originally from another country and he was telling me that the care his family have recently received has blown him away.

There is a caring, generous, loving backbone to the NHS, found stamped through its many and varied, highly skilled staff who provide a brilliant service. From the moment of conception to the moment of death, we are beautifully and tenderly cared for. The integrated flow of people working together to make life more healthy and therefore more enjoyable is mind blowing.

I am not blind to the problems and I know all too well the pressures faced by working within health care, but if we put aside human errors, targets-gone-crazy, and dreadfully misleading headlines, we can sit and take stock at the wonder that is the NHS in these Islands. What a privilege it is to work in it.

As Nye Bevan said: ” The NHS will last as long as there are folk left with the faith to fight for it.” We must be resolute in our hearts that it remains freely given, that care remains central and that it is not sold off to private companies limited by shares. If that happens, the NHS will die.

It’s so easy to find fault, to moan, to complain and to focus on the negative (and there are, for sure, many things still to improve), and I am sorry for when things go wrong or substandard care occurs, but I am hugely grateful for the chance to provide and receive universal healthcare for all. When we focus on the positives of what we have, there are so many people and things to be grateful for. From clean water and sanitation, to vaccinations, medications and life saving operations, with GPs, midwives, nurses, therapists, administrators, managers, cleaners, diagnosticians, surgeons and physicians,  we are blessed beyond belief!

Today, I am grateful for the amazing NHS.

Federating for the Future?

As a direct result of the new health policy, small community practices are now seeking to federate with one another so that they can now compete (with private providers) for the services they already provide. Although most General Practices in this country are run by private partnerships (which is actually extremely different to a company limited by shares – though they can absolutely be driven by the same kind of greed), all the money they earn comes through the NHS. A practice earns money by providing various services, like vaccinations and smear tests and through meeting various targets (along with target driven initiatives like the Quality and Outcomes Framework aka QOF). The money earned then pays the staff in the practice, including the doctors, nurses, other healthcare workers, managers and administrative teams. If any provider, like Virgin Healthcare, for example, can come in and now say, we will provide all the vaccinations across the county at a lower cost than these GPs are currently able to provide, it might sound like a good idea from a strictly money point of view (I refuse to use the term ‘economic point of view’ here, because we must rid the term economics of the abuse it suffers as being synonymous with money – it really refers to how we order the house!). However, what it actually does is destabilise the economy of a practice and removes key services from a local community setting, causing staff to lose their jobs. What the government really doesn’t understand though is how important it is to form relationships with patients. Taking traditional services out of a local setting breaks some key encounters that doctors and nurses have with their patients, for the sake of saving a bit of money.

With the formation of federations, GP practices are clubbing together to basically try and bid for services en mass, but still provide them in the same way. It’s a colossal amount of work, but is also sadly going to break what has been until now a strong value within the General Practice community. As practices choose to federate with one another they basically have three choices in forming these new companies (and they do have to be companies in order to compete with the companies limited by shares whom they will be bidding against). Their first option is to become a company limited by shares themselves. The share holders would initially be the practices in the federation. In the short term, practices would chose what to do with the profits. One would hope, as they are providers of healthcare for the local community, that they would chose to invest the profits back into the health needs of their population. It is my opinion that to do anything else would be wholly unethical. To seek to make a personal profit from tax payers money, rather than using that money for the benefit of those who need it more is, to my mind, wrong. The other significant drawback of this kind of approach is that in a few years time, GP’s could choose to sell these companies at a profit and make a tidy sum in the process. In essence then, this could make a federation/company limited by shares no better than the wolves they are trying to protect the sheep they care for against. The second option is to become a Community Interest Company. This still allows profits to be made, but tends to safeguard those profits for the sake of the community. As with any legal entity, loopholes can be found to make a CIC look ethical on the outside, but actually allow large dividends to be paid to the ‘directors’ (who would be the GPs). However, one would have to chose to change the original constitution of the federation set up on this basis in order to do this, and so on paper a CIC is more likely to act more ‘ethically’ than a CLC (company limited by shares).

The third option is a potentially kenarchic alternative. Kenosis (to pour out) is one of the root words within kenarchy. However, one can be kenotic, without being kenarchic. It is possible to be a kenotic CLC or CIC, but the power dynamics do not really change. Power is maintained and held by the few and although they may seek to act benevolently, they are not relinquishing their (wrong kind of ) power. Now, power is not wrong. We have power to bring about change. However, power is very distinct from leadership. We need good leadership. But true leadership is able to allow itself to become powerless. True leadership becomes the servant so that the ‘other’ can be fully built up and truly become all that they can be. Jesus was so radical when he talked about leadership. Let us dispel the myth, that the best way to change the system is to get into the top jobs and change it from the top down. For a start, very few will ever manage to ‘get there’ even if ‘getting there’ were a good methodology through which to effect change. The sad truth is, that in aiming for the so called top jobs, much is compromised on the way, and once in the places of power, one can become utterly impotent to effect any change at all. It will also be discovered that the top jobs are really only puppets on the strings of the economic and political higher or ruling powers of the systems.

The third way is the way of co-operatives. Co-operatives give the opportunity for a radical overhaul of power, a true sharing of resource and gift and a letting go of unfair monetary advantages created by our current systems. It means the few let go of the power and benefits and instead everybody is able to share them. In forming co-operative federations (and this can apply for all practices as well – something that would be wonderful to see) there is the choice to allow all staff to become share holders together, not just the doctors. In areas where this happens (like the John Lewis Partnership or Surrey Central Healthcare or the health cooperatives of the Basque region) there is an extremely high sense of morale amongst the staff and high patient satisfaction rates. This is because of an uncomfortable truth for the powerful. It is co-operation and not competition that drives up both happiness and excellence. Of course it takes more time and effort, but relational working is so worth it and the benefits to all far outweigh the costs. However, we can more radical than just all workers being members of the co-operatives. All members of a local population could be members of a co-operative for health and this could then easily expand into education also. A greater sense of interconnectedness and less abuse of the service provided would be far more likely in such a scenario. We have to ask ourselves just how much power we are willing to give away, how much we want to know and love one another, but also to be if we want to be known and to be loved?